Specialists in social, family, psychological and legal matters attributed the rise in divorce cases in Saudi society to a number of reasons. Including the violation of the conditions of the marriage contract, the interference of the social environment of the spouses in family life, the influence of social media platforms and the blind imitation of luxuries. Specialists considered all of these reasons as shovels to destroy marital life.
The specialists explained the psychological and social effects of divorce. Including social isolation, reluctance to enter into a new experience, dissatisfaction, feelings of sadness and post-traumatic stress disorder.
The family counselor, Hashim Al-Bar, attributed the reasons for the increase in divorce cases to the incompatibility between the spouses due to different ideas, cultures, customs and social traditions, or to the existence of a constant struggle and constant competition for the leadership of the other party, as each party wants to impose full control over the management of the family helm or the failure of one of the spouses to take responsibility. Marriage towards the other party and its consequences and obligations, with a weak culture of rights between them, and among the reasons – according to the righteous – bad companionship, either by not caring for the other party and satisfying his emotional, physical and psychological needs, in addition to marital boredom, and what increases the reasons is allowing the intervention of family, relatives or friends other than Specialists or mature people in resolving disputes between the two parties.
external interventions
The family counselor, Hashem Al-Bar, proposes several solutions to confront the increase in divorce cases, starting first with the importance of choosing a good partner, and mutual respect and appreciation between spouses, with the need to educate generations within the framework of school curricula and present them to children in schools and universities according to the appropriate age stages, and the importance of training spouses on dialogue and discussion skills. Resolving disputes away from external interference, resorting to arbitrators and specialists empowered with scientific and practical experience in marital counseling, and searching for well-known counseling centers specialized in family matters.
An easy, shocking solution
The social counselor, Doaa Zahran, explained several reasons for the high number of divorce cases. Among them is the lack of a sense of responsibility and the absence of an element of role models, as divorce has become the easiest solution to end the partnership and start a new partnership without learning from the past loss, and one of the most influential factors in the stability of marital life (social media) and blind imitation.
The social counselor, Zahran, points out another problem, which is the divorce of newlyweds because they are ignorant of the concept of real marriage, lack of understanding of each other's personalities, and evading taking on new responsibilities in marital life. Resorting to the quickest solution is to end marital life.
Zahran stresses the importance of those planning to get married attending courses that enable them to know how to face marital problems with sound standards.
When is the wife entitled to divorce?
Legal advisor Hisham Hanbouli says: The wife has the right to apply for divorce if one of the conditions of the marriage contract has been violated. The conditions are first to be applied and adhered to. Because a person, under this contract, becomes lawful to his wife, and therefore it is important to adhere to the terms of the marriage contract. Indicating that the conditions of the marriage contract are secondary and binding, and violating them gives the wife the right to seek divorce. For example, if the woman stipulated in the marriage contract independent housing, she was surprised that the husband provided her with housing with his family. This is a fundamental condition under which the woman is entitled to request divorce.
As well as the conditions of work and study, if they are violated, the wife has the right to apply for annulment of the marriage, so that the husband, in this case, is not entitled to recover the dowry.
Disappointment and the return of confidence
Psychologist Nawal Al-Zahrani indicated that divorce can have a significant psychological impact on the life of each family member, and the impact varies from one individual to another, and the impact ranges between fears, impatience, resentment, guilt, anxiety, anger, post-traumatic stress disorder, low self-esteem and insecurity, as well as Divorced women feel more social stigma than males, and the parties affected by divorce go through several stages that represent psychological and emotional stages, and the stages begin with the stage of blaming the other and disappointment, followed by the stage of dissatisfaction and feeling sad, and then begins the stage of rebuilding trust in life Adapting to the new situation in preparation for life, to reach the stage of recovery and a new beginning.
Nawal Al-Zahrani stressed that the experience of divorce can be repeated in light of the lack of compatibility and agreement and the lack of correct understanding of the responsibility of marital life, and if there is a defect or psychological disorder in one of the parties, then it will inevitably lead to a state of turmoil and psychological instability, which leads to a repeat of the experience.
Seek help from a psychiatrist
Consultant Ashmakh believes that if a person suffers from psychological disorders or personal difficulties that he has not resolved, he can easily repeat the mistake and not succeed in a new marriage experience. Before marriage, it is wise for a person to have complete knowledge of himself, his strengths and weaknesses, the difficulties and challenges that may face his psychological and social needs, his goals for marriage, and the extent to which they are compatible with the goals of the other party. Marriage until it is treated, and there is no harm even when there are no psychological problems, consulting a specialist in marital relations so that the vision is clear, objective and far from emotional enthusiasm.
She concluded her speech by saying: In my opinion, even if the two parties get to know each other during the engagement period, I advise the second marriage in the decision to have children, because the first and second years of marriage enable them to get to know each other more clearly and ascertain whether the marriage can continue in a positive way that guarantees a shared life that will prevail. Compatibility, harmony and happiness of both parties.
Get over feelings of denial, anger, and bargaining
Former faculty member at King Abdulaziz University and researcher in family affairs, Dr. Fawzia Bashateh, believes that the social effects of divorce are numerous, and the most common one is social isolation from the outside world resulting from psychological stress, isolation from the outside world, and loss of confidence as a result of exposure to criticism, in addition to family dispersal, loss of children, or loss of security. The absence of role models and the creation of a hateful, resentful generation that seeks behaviors that translate its rejection and objection, such as escaping from school or taking drugs.
The imbalance of values is also one of the social effects that appear as a result of the rise in the phenomenon of divorce in society, especially for the values that society seeks to inculcate in the minds and behaviors of its members, such as interdependence, compassion, cooperation and tolerance.
Bashtah added that when asking about the time frame for facing the repercussions of divorce in order to embrace a new life, this matter does not have a fixed rule, as some believe that quick attachment may reduce the sense of failure according to scientific studies of some researchers, and some see the opposite, but psychologists advise that a person should not enter into A new relationship before 3 months of separation, before remarriage, immediately after divorce, to overcome feelings of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The arrangement of which differs from one person to another, but what is important in the end is that the feelings towards the former partner are equal, neither love nor hatred or hatred, and that it reaches acceptance of the experience that he went through, not remorseful, hateful or regretful, but rather accepting God’s will for what happened. with him, and acknowledged his partial responsibility in his final path. With regard to the repeated experience of divorce, Bashtah indicated that, from her point of view, which is based on realistic observations, the answer is yes in the case of the second experience based on the continuity of comparison between the two experiences, while in many cases the success of the second experience usually depends on a matter of life or death to avoid social blame. You see the couple giving more, trying to adapt to the new life, and ignoring many problems.
Divorced women tell their experiences to "Okaz"
And about the reason for her resorting to divorce, one of them says that her ex-husband was suffering from a bad trait, which is lying in all aspects of life. She says: I tried hard to change this characteristic, which is now reflected in all his life dealings, not to mention his transfer of all the secrets of our marital life to his family's house, in addition to exploiting me financially, so she resorted to a request for divorce, especially since she does not have children who bear the consequences of divorce.
As for Nahla, she says: After 5 years of her marriage, her husband was forced to leave the job he was working in under the pretext of looking for another job to improve his financial income. After that, she discovered that he was not serious about looking for a job based on her financial income, which made her unbearable to live with a man who does not work. She could not bear all the financial consequences, especially since she had a child, and she became surrounded by whispers that her husband was unemployed and dependent on her.
For her part, Samar tells her story, saying: Two years after her marriage, her husband began asking her to move to live with his family, and she only refused; Because living in the family home causes many problems and all parties interfere, and with time I acquiesced to his request and moved to his family’s house, and in the end the divorce occurred as a result of his family’s interference in all the details of their lives.
I hate halal.. but!
The psychological and social consultant, Dr. Fawzia Ashmakh, says that divorce is the most hated by God, and sometimes divorce is the best solution to stave off negative psychological repercussions on both parties, especially if there is no consensus on the personal, social and cultural level regarding the negative effects on both parties, which are relative and according to the circumstances of the parties. When problems arise, especially in the early years, and if it is not possible to find agreement between the two parties objectively, then it is better to separate. If the divorce is based on objective and logical reasons, then it is more likely that it will not negatively affect the two parties. This is one of the factors that must be taken into account in the decision to divorce and study its consequences.
Fawzia Ashmakh believes that the more the decision to separate is based on realistic and real reasons, the two parties are able to overcome the stage well. Because divorce is supposed to be a solution to the problem, not the beginning of problems.
Zain Anbar (Jeddah) @zain_ambar, @zekraalsolami