Love is the key to solving the problem of indiscriminate sex
The most dangerous snake lives not in the bush, it hides in a trouser. This information is not really new to you. In most cases we say men think from their snake and all they want is to take advantage of the women in sight. This may be true no doubt but the important question that is worth asking is that
“ Why is it that when you are dating a lady and you tell her it’s a sex free relationship, within a short while you see her behaving funny, she starts to think something is wrong with you or that you are a “ju..man”
The truth is that snakes work as team, they search for team members to execute their agendas, and these team members are itchy legs.
It is a question of “birds of a feather flocking together to satisfy their desires”
The high level of indiscriminate sex going on today in our society is not the fault of a particular gender, it is a product of two willing people who lack self-control. The men have their blame in this but the women have a blame too,
?how.
Even science has shown repeatedly that an average women likes and needs sex more than men, sex is an emotional event, men suppress their emotion but women express their emotions, live by their emotion and do everything to intensify their emotions. Sex to some men is an external affair which he use to blow out the pressure swelling in them. A man can have sex with a woman he feels nothing for and does not want a lasting thing with. He does this because he does not see sex as part of his wellbeing but to a woman, it is a different game, sex is part of her emotional wellbeing and so she wants to have sex with a man that appreciates and loves her so he can satisfy her body and soul. A woman wants a man to appreciate and cherish and most importantly she wants him to spend the rest of his life with her. But a man does sees this feminine perspective as total nonsense. Even when it comes to the act of lovemaking men are lousy in most cases, men usually make war not love, most men think lovemaking is how hard you mortar pestle her, words like foreplay and afterplay is an alien language to most men. Men like touchlight, will erect at the slightest lap they see or the exposed ripe pyramids and his whole mentality is turned upside down till he has a taste of what is in front of him, it does not matter if he does a messy job or leaves her high and dry. But women appreciate the soft gentle touch and cuddling even after climax. Due to the high rate of illiterate men (in bed), most women are in constant search for the man who will satisfy her body and soul, in the search for this man, she runs from one bed to another without realizing she is turning into a public toilet. In this light, the illiteracy of men in bed adds to the random search by women, sometimes the challenge is not that these men don’t know how to but that they are unwilling to learn from their women. Lovemaking is unique to every person hence what applies to a person may not apply to another. A few men willing to learn do so from the wrong source, they read a lot from the internet or other sources, not that these sources are bad, the problem is that they have failed to learn from the best teacher- their lover. When some women try to teach their men, his ego gets in the way and he accuses her. After a long while of unfulfilled sexual desires she searches for another man to fill the void.
This brings us to another dimension of lovemaking, lovemaking is a healing art which in its pure form should heal the soul of its wounds and inspire the mind to higher levels of realization but this is when it is done with someone who true friendship has been built with over time. As long as lovemaking does not fulfill this deep need, people will always run from bed to bed in search of what they are not even ready for or capable of giving or receiving. Many people are not really ready for soul work, for in soul work, you ought to have the courage to face yourself , acknowledge you are wounded and in need of healing then you should be ready to do your own part in the healing process. This means unlearning many self-destructive character and attitude developed over the years, attitude developed as a result of the deep wounds, also the process of healing involves developing the positive attitude needed to achieve total healing.
The healing art is where the work of love comes in. Love is the great healer whose impact transcends time and place. Love is more than some sentimental attachment or sexual oriented hunger, love is a decision we make to nurture another persons growth in view of achieving wholeness. Being a decision implies it is developed, we are not forced to love, we don’t fall in love , if you fall in love, you will fall out of love sooner than later. You can only love someone you know, by this there is nothing like “love at first sight” or “love is blind”. Love at first sight is all infatuation which fades as true knowledge of the person you claim to love begins to reveal itself. Knowledge of someone is something that reveals itself gradually as you spend more time with someone, understand the person at a practical level and have decided to live in peace with the negative aspect of the person. This is the most crucial ingredient of love, if you cannot live in peace with the negative aspect of another person then you will never find fulfillment in that relationship because you will try to change the person into what you like but change is not the work of love. This does not mean you should not make effort to positively impact the person, that can be done but it is wise to use effective communication skills when doing this and the good part is that if you try to influence a change and the person is not willing to change, you have to still accept the person and be harmonious in all you do. Its best to be a reason for others to change than forcing a change on them, this is where most relationships get it wrong and kill a budding affair even before it has the chance to take off from the airport of the initial likeness and desire to love each other.
The benefit of love as nurture is that as we nurture the other person, we are growing ourselves too. Love is an active function where giving is secondary to nothing, love has its greatest expression mainly in giving not receiving,
“love is like unto the ascent of a mountain, it never comes close to you, it only comes closer as you go closer to it”
Lao Russel
A vital key here is giving, many people give love and expect it back, now that is selfish love, it is selfish because you are not giving it because your partner needs it, you are giving it because you need to be loved back so it is about you not the person you claim to love. True love is a risk in that you can love someone and the person does not give a heck about you, the person owes you no moral obligation to love you back. The truth here is that if you truly love a person according to his/her love language, with time, that person will reciprocate. Even if someone consciously hates you but you sincerely love the person through his/her love language, with time the person will be reciprocate.
Love is the first rung on the ladder building a successful relationship. There are many other ingredients that cooks the soup of a sucexful relationship,love is just one of them. Love is like a pot used to cook soup,one can have pot but lack the right ingredients, one can also have pot,right ingredients but cook what even a goat will reject.
Love heals the mind and soul from indiscriminate sex. The way out indiscriminate sex is through building a successful relationship based on love.
Eleas Stanley
