Power struggles areAgeless Brain everywhere. We’re accustomed to seeing them in government, but they’re also common occurrences in the workplace and the family. And though it seems counterintuitive, they abound in arenas that we think should be focused on love, such as churches and romance.
How can you win a power struggle? That’s the wrong question. What you need to do is step out of the power arena altogether to find a new perspective and a new approach to the conflict. To put it another way: Instead of letting your opponent control the agenda–a situation that just about guarantees that you’re going to come out a loser–start looking for another approach.
Not easy to do. But there are three truths that can help you understand the underlying dynamics and, just possibly, evade the power player’s tactics.
Three Truths about Power Contests To the power player, winning is everything. The moment you step into the ring, you’ve already lost the contest. Remember when your mother used to talk about “cutting off your nose to spite your face”? She was talking about power plays. A determined opponent will often gladly sacrifice his or her best interest in order to position you as a loser.
Committed power players are empty inside. Psychologist Carl Jung used to say that power–not hatred–is the opposite of love. If you know someone who keeps trying to draw you into power contests, ask yourself if that person is incapable of relating to you in a loving way.
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